Bible Based Funnies

**"Don't Worry, Be Happy**

Bible Based Funnies

There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign: "Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

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Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments.

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Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

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A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "So son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"

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One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
Her daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts." Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said, "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.